I NEED ADVICE
OK... A post on not without my heels's blog made me think about this.. again...
so i decided to blog it out for yall and get some thoughts out of yall on the subject...
when i was in kuwait, i asked a car beside me for directions, it was the day of your 3eid el watan and there was a roadblock on my way home. I didn't know where i was at so i asked the guys in the car beside me how to get back to the highway in english. they thought i was just some random kuwaiti girl trying to hit on them, until i showed them my passport. they caught my eye because the passenger wanted to spray me with the saboon, but the driver wouldn't let him, so i picked up about 8 bottles of saboon from my pasenger's seat and showed them and we laughed... so i asked. we made a U turn and pulled over so they could understand my destination and lead me to the right area of the country..
*are yall still with me? passenger- lebanese, driver- palestinian. keep this in mind. *
ok so i pull over, this happened 3 days before i was to come back to the states.. and we talked. they came to my car, i had the window cracked and talked to them that way, they introduced themselves. i said listen. i know im american and all but i've learned your little games. your name is not such and such, and your name is not such and such.. to my surprise they pull out their id's and the names they gave me were their real names!! one point for them. next, my dad calls... i was going back home to pick him up so we could go to his family's house, he didnt want to go, and told me i could stay out. so i said heck yes. alright, i told them nevermind i dont need to go back home. my friends in america are all guys, they have been for 99% of my life, so i know a man's mind pretty darn well... i can tell a person is bullshitting me from 50 miles away... i was so comfortable with these 2 guys that we ended up going to their stores, right down the street, the lebanese guy needed to close his store down. so i followed them with my car and we went inside. thee lebanese guy introduced me to his dad, and showed me both of his stores, and the palestinian showed me his store as well. it was nice. in the lebanese guy's 2nd store, i met the syrian. also their best friend. i went outside with the palestinian and we went for a drive while the lebanese guy and the syrian closed the store down. we talked like we had known each other for ages and that was soooo nice. we go back and get the other car and all meet up at a restaurant (me, leb, syr, and pale...). we sit in the restaurant and eat and talk for HOURS... time flew that night. we go outside and it looks like fajr. the sky was sooo bright, they said nawwarti liq8 ya e3younalbak... it was amazing. they follow me to my house as to make sure no one messes with me on my way home. i go to my room, and smile until the next morning. i couldn't sleep that night. all i could think of was sub7an'Allah!! how could i meet people so randomly and feel like i spent my whole life with them in a matter of 4 hours?!?! i was so happy. the next morning they picked me up. it was about 12 in the afternoon, turns out not one of them could sleep that night either. we went to a restauraant at around 1:30 in the afternoon we sat outside on the patio, had lunch, talked, laughed and played lu3bet el sara7a... it was the best time i had ever had. that afternoon, it rained so we, instead of doing what normal people would do and leave, we relocated to inside the restaurant, we left the restaurant that night at 10 pm. we went gizzing and sprayed people and laughed and sang and danced in the car. they took me home. the next day i spent it with my friends and family, and met up with them at about 6 pm, they took me to get last minute things my mom asked for. next day i went out with my friends and we met them for lunch (the picture i have of the food on my blog, that's from that lunch.) we sat and talked and laughed as usual but it was a sad day, i was leaving that night. i went to the airport and they surprised me there. i cried so hard that night. we took so many pictures and even made little video clips on my digital camera, and their cell phones, so when we miss each other we would be able to hear and see each other moving around... they made me little music videos where we would be sitting in the airport and they would sing to me and i would video clip them singing. when i got home, in a matter of about... 4 months i spent over $500 in phone cards calling them. the palestinian was in love with me, the syrian started a new business, the lebanese guy was in thailand i would call them and they would call me, we would see each other on the net and chat for hours, i would stay up all night, and so would they. we were always in touch...
here's the problem.
the palestinian started acting very shady. he was moving to jordan. so he told his parents about me and they said hell no she's american (tho my family is palestinian and i fight my ass off for my country, i'm an activist...) and he took that and didn't fight for me.
the lebanese guy called me 15 times one morning and i was asleep, when i woke up i freaked out thinking something was wrong so i called him and had to force the words he was holding back. he loved me. and he was wrong for not telling me from the beginning. i said ok?...
then what happens... the syrian, who was the only one who would give me insider information told me that they were at the ahw2 one night and the palestinian told the lebanese guy that since his parents refused the idea of him and i being together, he wants the lebanese guy to take over. because 'we don't want her to go to waste'
*so just a recap in case yall didn't get it. the palestinian tells me he's not interested in marriage per his family's wishes, i hide that from the boys, the lebanese guy tells me he loves me, i think he means it, so i take it and run.*
alright... so we're still on the same page here. so... i talk to the palestinian online one night and hes like i dont like how you have your picture on your msn buddy list. i said listen palestinian... first of all you're not my dad, you're not my brother, you're not my boyfriend or my fiance or my husband and you're basically wasting my time. ana 7urra. i'll do what i want. you call me once in a blue moon and waste my time. i dont need you, i don't want you.
i tell the boys.
not knowing that they're all in on this whole sittuation thinking that the palestinian doesnt know the lebanese guy told me he loved me, even tho they had all planned it together..
here's the irony.
palestinian starts talking shit about the lebanese and syrian guys and about me, apparantly he got jealous that the lebanese guy told me before he told him he was going to tell me... so he starts trash talking us all even tho it was his idea and even tho i knew nothing about the whole sittuation.. they get pissed off, they go to beat his ass at the ahw2... next thing i know i get a phone call cussing me out telling me i'm a bitch and i was nothing to them and to never talk to me again, using very vulgar language, god knows what was said that night
from my understanding of the sittuation the palestinian planned my future without asking for my permission and feelings, tricked me, got pissed at the lebanese guy when i told him i was interested in him too.. they get pissed at each other and then blame it all on me. as if i was doing something wrong. and made it seem like i was trying to break up their friendship even tho i didn't have any intentions of doing so what so ever.
they broke my heart that night.
i still hurt sooooo bad from it, and all i want to do is go back to kuwait and go to the lebanese guy's store and standing face to face with him and making him explain himself..
i never loved anyone as much as i loved these guys, i loved them like brothers i loved them more than i loved anyone in my entire life, we were sooo close and they fucked me over. the sad part is? i still miss them so much, i havent tried to call or contact them since they did that to me, and when i miss hearing their voices i play the video clips, and cry. i want to confront them and let them know how i feel. i want them to understand that they hurt me. that the palestinian lied about me to them, that i never did anything wrong, and that i know the lebanese guy decieved me, and i still don't know if he ever really loved me or not. i want to corner them and make them talk, without being able to block me or hang up on me, i want to be face to face with them and get answers. i don't care about the palestinian, i miss the lebanese guy and the syrian. the syrian was like my brother. and out of everyone, when he cussed me out, it shocked me the most.
so i decided to blog it out for yall and get some thoughts out of yall on the subject...
when i was in kuwait, i asked a car beside me for directions, it was the day of your 3eid el watan and there was a roadblock on my way home. I didn't know where i was at so i asked the guys in the car beside me how to get back to the highway in english. they thought i was just some random kuwaiti girl trying to hit on them, until i showed them my passport. they caught my eye because the passenger wanted to spray me with the saboon, but the driver wouldn't let him, so i picked up about 8 bottles of saboon from my pasenger's seat and showed them and we laughed... so i asked. we made a U turn and pulled over so they could understand my destination and lead me to the right area of the country..
*are yall still with me? passenger- lebanese, driver- palestinian. keep this in mind. *
ok so i pull over, this happened 3 days before i was to come back to the states.. and we talked. they came to my car, i had the window cracked and talked to them that way, they introduced themselves. i said listen. i know im american and all but i've learned your little games. your name is not such and such, and your name is not such and such.. to my surprise they pull out their id's and the names they gave me were their real names!! one point for them. next, my dad calls... i was going back home to pick him up so we could go to his family's house, he didnt want to go, and told me i could stay out. so i said heck yes. alright, i told them nevermind i dont need to go back home. my friends in america are all guys, they have been for 99% of my life, so i know a man's mind pretty darn well... i can tell a person is bullshitting me from 50 miles away... i was so comfortable with these 2 guys that we ended up going to their stores, right down the street, the lebanese guy needed to close his store down. so i followed them with my car and we went inside. thee lebanese guy introduced me to his dad, and showed me both of his stores, and the palestinian showed me his store as well. it was nice. in the lebanese guy's 2nd store, i met the syrian. also their best friend. i went outside with the palestinian and we went for a drive while the lebanese guy and the syrian closed the store down. we talked like we had known each other for ages and that was soooo nice. we go back and get the other car and all meet up at a restaurant (me, leb, syr, and pale...). we sit in the restaurant and eat and talk for HOURS... time flew that night. we go outside and it looks like fajr. the sky was sooo bright, they said nawwarti liq8 ya e3younalbak... it was amazing. they follow me to my house as to make sure no one messes with me on my way home. i go to my room, and smile until the next morning. i couldn't sleep that night. all i could think of was sub7an'Allah!! how could i meet people so randomly and feel like i spent my whole life with them in a matter of 4 hours?!?! i was so happy. the next morning they picked me up. it was about 12 in the afternoon, turns out not one of them could sleep that night either. we went to a restauraant at around 1:30 in the afternoon we sat outside on the patio, had lunch, talked, laughed and played lu3bet el sara7a... it was the best time i had ever had. that afternoon, it rained so we, instead of doing what normal people would do and leave, we relocated to inside the restaurant, we left the restaurant that night at 10 pm. we went gizzing and sprayed people and laughed and sang and danced in the car. they took me home. the next day i spent it with my friends and family, and met up with them at about 6 pm, they took me to get last minute things my mom asked for. next day i went out with my friends and we met them for lunch (the picture i have of the food on my blog, that's from that lunch.) we sat and talked and laughed as usual but it was a sad day, i was leaving that night. i went to the airport and they surprised me there. i cried so hard that night. we took so many pictures and even made little video clips on my digital camera, and their cell phones, so when we miss each other we would be able to hear and see each other moving around... they made me little music videos where we would be sitting in the airport and they would sing to me and i would video clip them singing. when i got home, in a matter of about... 4 months i spent over $500 in phone cards calling them. the palestinian was in love with me, the syrian started a new business, the lebanese guy was in thailand i would call them and they would call me, we would see each other on the net and chat for hours, i would stay up all night, and so would they. we were always in touch...
here's the problem.
the palestinian started acting very shady. he was moving to jordan. so he told his parents about me and they said hell no she's american (tho my family is palestinian and i fight my ass off for my country, i'm an activist...) and he took that and didn't fight for me.
the lebanese guy called me 15 times one morning and i was asleep, when i woke up i freaked out thinking something was wrong so i called him and had to force the words he was holding back. he loved me. and he was wrong for not telling me from the beginning. i said ok?...
then what happens... the syrian, who was the only one who would give me insider information told me that they were at the ahw2 one night and the palestinian told the lebanese guy that since his parents refused the idea of him and i being together, he wants the lebanese guy to take over. because 'we don't want her to go to waste'
*so just a recap in case yall didn't get it. the palestinian tells me he's not interested in marriage per his family's wishes, i hide that from the boys, the lebanese guy tells me he loves me, i think he means it, so i take it and run.*
alright... so we're still on the same page here. so... i talk to the palestinian online one night and hes like i dont like how you have your picture on your msn buddy list. i said listen palestinian... first of all you're not my dad, you're not my brother, you're not my boyfriend or my fiance or my husband and you're basically wasting my time. ana 7urra. i'll do what i want. you call me once in a blue moon and waste my time. i dont need you, i don't want you.
i tell the boys.
not knowing that they're all in on this whole sittuation thinking that the palestinian doesnt know the lebanese guy told me he loved me, even tho they had all planned it together..
here's the irony.
palestinian starts talking shit about the lebanese and syrian guys and about me, apparantly he got jealous that the lebanese guy told me before he told him he was going to tell me... so he starts trash talking us all even tho it was his idea and even tho i knew nothing about the whole sittuation.. they get pissed off, they go to beat his ass at the ahw2... next thing i know i get a phone call cussing me out telling me i'm a bitch and i was nothing to them and to never talk to me again, using very vulgar language, god knows what was said that night
from my understanding of the sittuation the palestinian planned my future without asking for my permission and feelings, tricked me, got pissed at the lebanese guy when i told him i was interested in him too.. they get pissed at each other and then blame it all on me. as if i was doing something wrong. and made it seem like i was trying to break up their friendship even tho i didn't have any intentions of doing so what so ever.
they broke my heart that night.
i still hurt sooooo bad from it, and all i want to do is go back to kuwait and go to the lebanese guy's store and standing face to face with him and making him explain himself..
i never loved anyone as much as i loved these guys, i loved them like brothers i loved them more than i loved anyone in my entire life, we were sooo close and they fucked me over. the sad part is? i still miss them so much, i havent tried to call or contact them since they did that to me, and when i miss hearing their voices i play the video clips, and cry. i want to confront them and let them know how i feel. i want them to understand that they hurt me. that the palestinian lied about me to them, that i never did anything wrong, and that i know the lebanese guy decieved me, and i still don't know if he ever really loved me or not. i want to corner them and make them talk, without being able to block me or hang up on me, i want to be face to face with them and get answers. i don't care about the palestinian, i miss the lebanese guy and the syrian. the syrian was like my brother. and out of everyone, when he cussed me out, it shocked me the most.
posted by E3younAlbak at
8:24 PM
28 Comments:
boy you cause trouble and leave :P
By
Purgatory, at 11:02 PM
my God this couldn't have been shorter?! dekht o ana agra! :(
By
Spontaneousnessity, at 1:44 AM
:( what do i do do i confront them
?
By
E3younAlbak, at 1:49 AM
i dont understand spon.
By
E3younAlbak, at 1:50 AM
why do you get yourself in these situations?
By
Purgatory, at 7:45 AM
i guess it was a game for them
By
E3younAlbak, at 7:52 AM
I was lost after "shady".
By
GoBetty, at 8:25 AM
of course it was, and you fell easily.
So again my question, why do you want to come back?
By
Purgatory, at 9:36 AM
he was being shady, that means he began not answering his phone when i would call, not call me, and when we would talk, he would talk about how hot the girls were that were coming into his store, he would also ask odd questions like what if when i move to jordan my parents found me a girl? i said well if you love someone then what your parents find or dont find shouldnt matter because you have found who you want to be with... and get no reply from that.
By
E3younAlbak, at 12:37 PM
and another question, why would anyone want to play with someone's emotions and heart?? i mean are they just a bunch of heartless bastards? and if so then why did the lebanese guy introduce me to his dad, and put his mom on the phone to talk to me, it doesn't add up... i mean you guys have to understand how close we all were.
By
E3younAlbak, at 12:40 PM
that's true, thanks girls i love you all :)
purgy... why are you being cranky??? :P
By
E3younAlbak, at 8:31 PM
I am not being cranky, am trying to make you think.
By
Purgatory, at 10:29 PM
purgy... i don't understand your 'half questions'. you're not making me think, you're making me lost... i have already thought of those things a million and a half times, bas i dont have any answers... i need your purgatorian advice into a male's mind. and you tell me, why do you think i want to come to q8?
By
E3younAlbak, at 1:22 PM
I just read your story and I seen it happen over and over again. When I was in Canada, I had many guy friends who were from Lebanon, Palistine,Iraq, Syria etc. Believe me, if there is a conflict between guys and there is a girl in the middle, 'the boys' will ALWAYS stick together and let the girl go. Even if there is the slightest doubt that the girl may be right, they will come back together. Especially Arab guys, they will never betray their friendship over a girl.
Obviously there is a HUGE misunderstanding and since you are not around, it is hard to sort things out. I am sure if you do go back, things will be forgotten and you will come back to each other, because guys do forget very easily. good luck :)
By
Hope, at 5:02 PM
hope, thanks for the hope :)
By
E3younAlbak, at 5:18 PM
Heart eyes, I have no idea, you are better where you are, so stay there and come here on vacations if you want, but do not commit the mistake of moving here.
By
Purgatory, at 11:42 AM
purgy, if you think its that bad, then why are you there?
By
E3younAlbak, at 2:50 PM
Have you thought about meeting men from different ethnic backgrounds? Cause if i were you i'd look for a nice Japanese guy after that. But anyways, it's best to leave things the way they are. If you really feel the need call up the Syrian guy and tell him what happened and how you feel then leave them be. If they mess around with you now who know's how they'll do it when everything is said and done. If the Syrian guy really cares he'll feel guilt and tell the other guys about how you feel. Either way there are tons more guys out there. And not just Arabs either...
By
Akv, at 3:37 PM
yea i've dated different ethnicities... when it comes to who i would or wouldn't date, race or ethnicity plays no part in it. :) thanks for commenting AKV, where have you been, what have you seen?
By
E3younAlbak, at 6:53 PM
I've been around, Mauritania, Iran, The Philippines, Canada, U.S, France. Done lotsa stuff, fun and unfun. I'm not Japanese by the way.. he he.. Love is a weird thing. Even discussing it's existence heats people up... hey! I should put this stuff on my blog! anyways... The point is not to become obscured by love that you don't see reality. And not to just see reality but to understand how your emotions sway you and to accept them. hehe, saying something that says nothing is a great talent , thank you thank you.
By
Akv, at 7:17 AM
Don't question me :P
By
Purgatory, at 1:39 AM
i already did. now you answer me birthday boy!! :P ... :)
By
E3younAlbak, at 1:58 AM
I do not think my answer will add anything of value, hence, no need to :P
By
Purgatory, at 10:50 PM
you loser. yes theres need to so write. now. :P
By
E3younAlbak, at 10:58 PM
why are you obssesed about finding the answer :)
By
Purgatory, at 12:31 AM
because you're obsessed with asking me so its my turn and im asking you so you're going to answer... 3ashan khatri ya purgyyyyyyyyyy :P
By
E3younAlbak, at 12:48 AM
I Know this is all kinda old, but umm, you brought this up in my blog. I don't see how yours and mine are similar. While I don't be friends with people easily, you did.
"why would anyone want to play with someone's emotions and heart??"
I've seen a lot of that type. Probably because they were bullied when they were kids, or because they were treated as they never existed. That creates a sense of hatery and anger. Mostly shows on women, since they have the looks and wit to drop a guy dead! [that's a fact]
Now, to compensate that kind of abuse they got when they were kids, they use their power to manipulate people. It makes them feel strong and over control. That gives them a sense of satisfaction.
Another reason why some might do this, is because of mental hallucinations. Some people "LUST" for power.
Now back to your problem. I know this is tough, been there, done that. Here's the first thing you should do. Delete their numbers, AND NO! YOU CANNOT SAVE BACKUPS, FOR JUST INCASE! If you can do that, you're ready for step 2. If you didn't do that, don't bother reading!
Step 2, delete those video clips and images.
True, the lebanese dude could've cared for you. But honestly, do you really know him? it's a baby crush. You only felt so secure and comfortable with them, because they shocked you with some class. None of them could've cared for you realisticly, why? they only met you 3/4 days ago!
I'm not trying to put you down. I'm simply explaining the facts that you DON'T want to see. Those could be hard to spot, and you might need someone to reveal them.
By
MBH, at 8:09 AM
lol you know the sad part? you read my mind. hahaha i deleted their numbers when it happened then saved paper copies as 'just in case' backup copies... then i realized FUCK them i don't need them. i then threw away the backups... the physical images i had, i tore up as i was driving my car in little pieces and then threw out the window... kind of symbolic of how even if someone tried to put the pieces back together it would never be the same again... i will definitly take your advice, thanks for that... you have a good point, i gave out friendship easily... but that's because i like to see the good in people. i like to give the benefit of the doubt.
By
E3younAlbak, at 6:13 PM
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