Tagged, sorry it took so long...

10 years ago: i dropped out of 3arabi school hahaha

5 years ago: hmm... i was going through a 'seriously rebelious' stage

1 year ago: i was making plans for my life... plans that eventually fell through.

Tomorrow: i have to get to campus early to work on about 4 weeks worth of homework assignments lol i am such a procrastinator!!

5 snacks I enjoy: i cant believe you're a lemon and salt snacker too janjoonnnnnnnnn!! lol ask donnyboy... he can vouch for me, im obsessed. i love chocolate covered salty pretzels... fresh fruits, and an occasional slim jim... or 20..., chips and fresh salsa

5 bands/artists that I know the lyrics to most of their songs: Amr Diab, Shereen, Bashaar Al Sha66i, Miami, Ehab Tawfiq

5 things I'd do with $100,000,000: invest half, give a quarter or the remainder to help build a masjid, use 2 quarters to help out my family get completely out of debt, send money to Palestine, build my dream house.

5 locations I'd like to run away to: KUWAIT, Italy, Spain, St. Thomas, France

5 bad habits I have: I'm a smoker, i don't trust anyone, i have a very bad temper, i don't sleep enough for fear of missing out on something... can't think of a fifth one...

5 things I will never wear: Shorts, a 2 piece bathing suit, spandex, velvet, and those damn heels yall were talking about

5 TV. shows I like: F.R.I.E.N.D.S., Dave Chapelle Show, Simpsons, Desperate Housewives, King of the Hill

5 people I'd like to meet: Donnyboyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!, umm... my soulmate... can't really think of anyone else... other than a hot straight kuwaiti guy in 'a dress' in this city... yea i cant think of anyone else really.

5 biggest joys at the moment: the beach, the marina, going out whenever i want-wherever i want 'my freedom', depending on myself, and my friends

*uninspired, inspire me*

mmmm i've been sick and uninspired lately... i'm in the midst of self discovery or rediscovery lately... i dunno what i want... i dunno when i want it, i dunno how i should go about getting what i want... i need a freakin break! my friend emailed me yesterday, hes stationed in Afghanistan right now, and hes having a hard time, he wants to come back home poor kid... i sent him a recent pic of me showing him changes ive made... weight loss, hair style, just general changes his response to that was "your new look..... damn ......damn. theres not much that i can say, other than your dangerous." hmmm... thanks, i think? lol i dunno here's to me having a brain fart with nothing to say... what do you guys want to talk about... here's a free pass... talk about what you want... make it a question answer session... ask what you want :P

My hard work, my housemate's project.

A wedding invitation. 2 weeks to do it, i get stuck doing it while she works on something else... Details of the picture... to the far left:: my bed sheet hahahaha also used as drapery for picture and as a 'table cloth' Bottle:: hand written names of bride and groom. on an empty Corona Bottle. Cork:: from a bottle of Merlot, fresh flowers. Far Back:: Paper grocery bag. directly in front of grocery bag, a hand made stamp... beside the stamp, the tool i used to carve out the leaf from a block of linolium. Center of table:: Invitation, it would be rolled and put into the bottle hence "message in a bottle theme"

The keys to my heart...

I took a little blog quiz about the keys to my heart... you can find it here ::

http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/

these are my results... what were yours?

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

...

my teeth hurt...

my wisdom teeth are ripping through my gums... so my teeth hurt. not only that, but when i brush my teeth, they bleed really bad... they're swollen... i guess its cuz of my wisdom teeth??

the house smells like pure spray paint.... i have a headache from the smell... i'm going to kill my housemate.

i just washed a load of clothes... its 3am.

my teeth hurt.

I WANT A HUG TOO DAMNIT!

i want someone to hold my hand, and take me out, and keep me warm, and randomly give me a kiss on the cheek, and stare into my eyes... i'm dying to have plans with a boy who wants to take me out, show me around, sit on the beach with me, watch the sun set and rise with me, hold me... to wrestle with me, to have a pillow fight with me, to fall asleep watching a movie with me, to play footsie with me during dinner, to rub my feet when they're cold, to pinch my pudge... give me a massage... to make me laugh, to watch the stars with, to go for a walk with... to chase around the house, to take a nap with, to pick a flower from the street for me... to watch me sleep, to smile when he sees me. to make me smile when i see him... to lay in bed with... to care damnit to just care... that's what i want... but all i need is a god damned hug. i don't like being single. :(

holy shit.

i don't know what to do about this...

yesterday i was talking to one of my roomates, she hadnt heard from her boyfriend in 3 days and kept trying to call him... she also told me that she used to cut herself when she would get upset, so i talked to her for 3 hours on why she shouldn't do that and that no guy is worth it and blah blah blah...

today i come home to change my clothes before going out, and i go to brush my teeth... the girl went to her cousin's house and spent the night last night, out of the city. so i hear her say e3younalbak are you there? i had heard her running up the stairs but wasn't sure who it was... i said yea im brushing my teeth, she said can i come in? i thought to the bathroom?! ummm ok. so she came in. she said um i got a cell phone, keep in mind this girl just moved to america less than a month ago, shes asian. so i said that's good... so did you talk to your boyfriend? she said yes hes been cheating on me the whole time. i said what? are you sure?! she said yes his girlfriend called me back, he left his cell phone at her house. so i said oh god... i was at a loss of words. then she said i cut. i said you what?!?! she slit her forearms, both of them from her wrists to her elbows. she was wearing long sleeves and when i looked at her arms, i noticed that they were thick from her elbows to her wrists, and the shirt she had on was very thin... i said pull up your sleeves. so she did, she had them all wrapped up, it looked so professionally done. it scared the shit out of me. i said let me see your arms. so she moved the bandage... diagonal cuts down her arms. WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?!?! i called the other housemates and told them about the problem at hand... we were supposed to have a house meeting at 11pm, and talk to her about it, but when we got home she was sleeping. how do we bring this up... im not even sure if i should let it be known that the house knows about it, i mean she came to me, but if you do something like that, somewhere obvious, and then tell someone about it, you're asking for attention... right?? if you didnt want anyone to know you would hide it wouldn't you?? i don't know what to do, i've never dealt with anything like this in my life.

Peter Jennings...

I took a nap on the couch after i got back home from shopping, and woke up to the news, i heard peter jennings's voice, i adore this man, so i turn towards the TV, only to see his picture and the year he was born then -2005 i was shocked... squinting my eyes to see if i was just seeing things or what... i broke down crying, i grew up watching this man, he was the best news anchor ever, i mean he was always on the TV while i was growing up... i called home and woke my poor mom up to tell her, as i cried. (she's used to it, she knows im emotional as hell.)

Peter Jennings, was a high school dropout, who busted his ass and made a name for himself in a land that wasn't his own. Peter Jennings was my hero, i loved him, he lead such an amazing life. he was a world news anchor on ABC news... he was so intelligent masha'Allah 3ale... he made sure to show both sides of every story, he gave his life to report major events in the world to the public... I remember the week of September 11th, he was the only one i would watch report the news, for a straight week, he was so real, so natural. He even got close to breaking down on national television when his kids called to check up on him.

To read more about Peter Jennings' life, go to http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=1015438

Allah Yer7amo. i, for one will definitly miss his voice and his truth. :(

I NEED ADVICE

OK... A post on not without my heels's blog made me think about this.. again...

so i decided to blog it out for yall and get some thoughts out of yall on the subject...

when i was in kuwait, i asked a car beside me for directions, it was the day of your 3eid el watan and there was a roadblock on my way home. I didn't know where i was at so i asked the guys in the car beside me how to get back to the highway in english. they thought i was just some random kuwaiti girl trying to hit on them, until i showed them my passport. they caught my eye because the passenger wanted to spray me with the saboon, but the driver wouldn't let him, so i picked up about 8 bottles of saboon from my pasenger's seat and showed them and we laughed... so i asked. we made a U turn and pulled over so they could understand my destination and lead me to the right area of the country..

*are yall still with me? passenger- lebanese, driver- palestinian. keep this in mind. *

ok so i pull over, this happened 3 days before i was to come back to the states.. and we talked. they came to my car, i had the window cracked and talked to them that way, they introduced themselves. i said listen. i know im american and all but i've learned your little games. your name is not such and such, and your name is not such and such.. to my surprise they pull out their id's and the names they gave me were their real names!! one point for them. next, my dad calls... i was going back home to pick him up so we could go to his family's house, he didnt want to go, and told me i could stay out. so i said heck yes. alright, i told them nevermind i dont need to go back home. my friends in america are all guys, they have been for 99% of my life, so i know a man's mind pretty darn well... i can tell a person is bullshitting me from 50 miles away... i was so comfortable with these 2 guys that we ended up going to their stores, right down the street, the lebanese guy needed to close his store down. so i followed them with my car and we went inside. thee lebanese guy introduced me to his dad, and showed me both of his stores, and the palestinian showed me his store as well. it was nice. in the lebanese guy's 2nd store, i met the syrian. also their best friend. i went outside with the palestinian and we went for a drive while the lebanese guy and the syrian closed the store down. we talked like we had known each other for ages and that was soooo nice. we go back and get the other car and all meet up at a restaurant (me, leb, syr, and pale...). we sit in the restaurant and eat and talk for HOURS... time flew that night. we go outside and it looks like fajr. the sky was sooo bright, they said nawwarti liq8 ya e3younalbak... it was amazing. they follow me to my house as to make sure no one messes with me on my way home. i go to my room, and smile until the next morning. i couldn't sleep that night. all i could think of was sub7an'Allah!! how could i meet people so randomly and feel like i spent my whole life with them in a matter of 4 hours?!?! i was so happy. the next morning they picked me up. it was about 12 in the afternoon, turns out not one of them could sleep that night either. we went to a restauraant at around 1:30 in the afternoon we sat outside on the patio, had lunch, talked, laughed and played lu3bet el sara7a... it was the best time i had ever had. that afternoon, it rained so we, instead of doing what normal people would do and leave, we relocated to inside the restaurant, we left the restaurant that night at 10 pm. we went gizzing and sprayed people and laughed and sang and danced in the car. they took me home. the next day i spent it with my friends and family, and met up with them at about 6 pm, they took me to get last minute things my mom asked for. next day i went out with my friends and we met them for lunch (the picture i have of the food on my blog, that's from that lunch.) we sat and talked and laughed as usual but it was a sad day, i was leaving that night. i went to the airport and they surprised me there. i cried so hard that night. we took so many pictures and even made little video clips on my digital camera, and their cell phones, so when we miss each other we would be able to hear and see each other moving around... they made me little music videos where we would be sitting in the airport and they would sing to me and i would video clip them singing. when i got home, in a matter of about... 4 months i spent over $500 in phone cards calling them. the palestinian was in love with me, the syrian started a new business, the lebanese guy was in thailand i would call them and they would call me, we would see each other on the net and chat for hours, i would stay up all night, and so would they. we were always in touch...

here's the problem.

the palestinian started acting very shady. he was moving to jordan. so he told his parents about me and they said hell no she's american (tho my family is palestinian and i fight my ass off for my country, i'm an activist...) and he took that and didn't fight for me.

the lebanese guy called me 15 times one morning and i was asleep, when i woke up i freaked out thinking something was wrong so i called him and had to force the words he was holding back. he loved me. and he was wrong for not telling me from the beginning. i said ok?...

then what happens... the syrian, who was the only one who would give me insider information told me that they were at the ahw2 one night and the palestinian told the lebanese guy that since his parents refused the idea of him and i being together, he wants the lebanese guy to take over. because 'we don't want her to go to waste'

*so just a recap in case yall didn't get it. the palestinian tells me he's not interested in marriage per his family's wishes, i hide that from the boys, the lebanese guy tells me he loves me, i think he means it, so i take it and run.*

alright... so we're still on the same page here. so... i talk to the palestinian online one night and hes like i dont like how you have your picture on your msn buddy list. i said listen palestinian... first of all you're not my dad, you're not my brother, you're not my boyfriend or my fiance or my husband and you're basically wasting my time. ana 7urra. i'll do what i want. you call me once in a blue moon and waste my time. i dont need you, i don't want you.

i tell the boys.

not knowing that they're all in on this whole sittuation thinking that the palestinian doesnt know the lebanese guy told me he loved me, even tho they had all planned it together..

here's the irony.

palestinian starts talking shit about the lebanese and syrian guys and about me, apparantly he got jealous that the lebanese guy told me before he told him he was going to tell me... so he starts trash talking us all even tho it was his idea and even tho i knew nothing about the whole sittuation.. they get pissed off, they go to beat his ass at the ahw2... next thing i know i get a phone call cussing me out telling me i'm a bitch and i was nothing to them and to never talk to me again, using very vulgar language, god knows what was said that night

from my understanding of the sittuation the palestinian planned my future without asking for my permission and feelings, tricked me, got pissed at the lebanese guy when i told him i was interested in him too.. they get pissed at each other and then blame it all on me. as if i was doing something wrong. and made it seem like i was trying to break up their friendship even tho i didn't have any intentions of doing so what so ever.

they broke my heart that night.

i still hurt sooooo bad from it, and all i want to do is go back to kuwait and go to the lebanese guy's store and standing face to face with him and making him explain himself..

i never loved anyone as much as i loved these guys, i loved them like brothers i loved them more than i loved anyone in my entire life, we were sooo close and they fucked me over. the sad part is? i still miss them so much, i havent tried to call or contact them since they did that to me, and when i miss hearing their voices i play the video clips, and cry. i want to confront them and let them know how i feel. i want them to understand that they hurt me. that the palestinian lied about me to them, that i never did anything wrong, and that i know the lebanese guy decieved me, and i still don't know if he ever really loved me or not. i want to corner them and make them talk, without being able to block me or hang up on me, i want to be face to face with them and get answers. i don't care about the palestinian, i miss the lebanese guy and the syrian. the syrian was like my brother. and out of everyone, when he cussed me out, it shocked me the most.

:S

hmmm...

i went outside to smoke my last cigarette for the night before i went to bed. i was on the phone with a friend i will call 'friend S' talking about my night last night, and my pent up frustration and the like... when out of nowhere i hear 6 gunshots. it freaked me out!! 'S' did you hear that?! i screamed what the hell is going on over here?! a minute later 6 cop cars zoom down the street, with their sirens on full blast and flashing lights.. another minute later a fire truck and an ambulance zoom down the street... with flashing lights, wailing their sirens. i'm standing there freaking out. this is happening in my neighborhood. what the fuck is going on?! this shit's scary. it's 2:21 am... i dont want to go to sleep. i havent slept since i got up for class on monday morning. i took a nap for a couple of hours, but that wasn't anywhere near enough... i walked alot today, i didn't have much of an appetite. so i should be worn out by now. but im not. i think im suffering from insomnia or something. what is the deal?! now there are more sirens going off. and the fire truck is leaving. ok i'm going to surf the net now.